


Hunters and Husbands

by bluebatwings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dean Winchester is in love with Castiel, Episode: s11e19 The Chitters, M/M, Tumblr ficlet, pining!dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 13:58:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7108030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluebatwings/pseuds/bluebatwings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"Domestic life was never quite my style."</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Hamilton</i>
</p>
<p>In which Dean wonders if domestic life could be his style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hunters and Husbands

**Author's Note:**

> I posted this fic [here](http://bluebatwings.tumblr.com/post/143559772338/dean-pushes-the-thought-from-his-mind-theres-too) on my tumblr in response to episode 11x19. I just want Dean Winchester to be happy, is that too much to ask.

Dean pushes the thought from his mind. There’s too much going on, he doesn’t have the goddamn time for this, Cas is still _gone_. Dean doesn’t have the fucking luxury to live in dream worlds where the words _hunter_ and _husband_ get to live side by side. He pushes the thought away, because the dull ache in his gut gets worse when he thinks about it.

He tried the domestic thing, once upon a time, and Dean’s come to understand that that life will never be for him. He’s done asking it of a world that clearly doesn’t want to give it to him, he’s done wasting his goddamn time. He tried it, and the outcome had hurt, not just him but people he cared about. It didn’t matter that he _tried_ , that he wanted it– it became more and more obvious that it wasn’t his for the taking.

_What lucky sons of bitches,_ Dean thinks, and it makes him angry because he was going to _stop_ thinking about this, not make the dull ache worse.

He’s getting old, and he’d never expected that. Dared to hope, once, maybe, but he’d let that go along with a lot of other hopes. It was easier, when he was younger, to roll into a town, kill the monster, save the girl, spend the night in her bed, and then leave the next morning ready to do it all over again. Same thing, different place. He lived fast, because he thought he’d die young (and he had, hadn’t he, but that’s not the point). He’s _getting older_ , and maybe that wouldn’t even matter if his mind didn’t have a specific image of what a here-and-now domestic life could look like for him.

Long mornings in bed, but not too long because Dean gets restless; taking cases close to home, but not always because they’d be sure to miss the road, even after everything. (A ring on his finger, and on his, too, because _dammit_ , Dean’s a romantic at heart and he wants to make it official, and he wants to keep him for himself.)

But it doesn’t _matter_ , it’s pointless and it _aches_ and Castiel could be dead right now for all Dean knows. He hates Jessy and Cesar for their security, and their freedom, and their surety in each other, in themselves. He doesn’t hate them, he would’ve asked them for their help if he did; he wants them to go live the life that Dean Winchester is not allowed to have– not safe, not by a long shot, but _together_. (He longs for Cas, and it aches.) Dean’s never been above envying others their lives, and he feels it acutely about those two, because they’re braver than he’s ever been, and they got something right that Dean never has.

It doesn’t change anything. Maybe they’ll save Cas; maybe they’ll save the whole goddamn world, again. It doesn’t mean that Dean will make a declaration of love, and that they’ll live happily ever after, hunters and husbands. He’s seen a future that he doesn’t believe can be his, because he is masterful at _pushing_ it away, people away, happiness _away_. (But, maybe it does change things. Maybe it won’t be inevitable, next time. If there is a next time. If there _is_ a next time, maybe Dean will remember this, maybe he won’t play that old game he’s so good at, where he gets to be a coward and make it look like strength. It doesn’t _mean_ that he’ll get that life in the end, but Dean is stubborn, when he wants to be, and maybe just stupid enough to try it again, and he wants it, maybe more than he ever has. He won’t hold his breath, but he will save Cas, and then he won’t let him go again.)


End file.
